New Years Eve

Fear not, anonymous loyal readers, this shant be another serious-why-am-I-unloved post. I promise.

Today I have been doing some thinking about... well, my thoughts. Meta, right? But I digress. I've been thinking about how much shit I take from people and why I do that. If I am in a bar and some stranger smacks my ass, I won't take a second to think before I turn around and punch that motherfucker in the face. So why is it so hard for me to ask for what I want in life?

I have a friend who took our friendship for granted and since left me in the dust.
You all now know I am being trounced upon beautifully by the gent I like.
*There are others, but two examples shall be enough.

Why do I let people walk all over me? I know why. Fear. If I tell my friend she's hurting my feelings, I fear she will lash out at me, make it my fault and be angry about the situation. If I tell the gent that I like him (though I believe I've literally done everything but) and he somehow (though he'd be misleading) didn't feel the same and rejected me, I don't know how my heart would take it.

But what's the alternative? Permit someone I trusted to be my friend to continue to hurt my feelings? Maybe if I tell her that she's hurting me, the hurt can stop one way or another. Carry on with the heartache of never knowing whether or not the gent wants to see me more than just occasionally?

Risks are better when they're taken. Unless it's the board game. Then you should pay for them.

How the fuck does this all tie in, Shface?!

I'm gettin' to it, calm down..

Today I made a decision regarding my life. New Years Eve 2013 is going to be a defining moment in my life. Last year I sat in my room and drank a bottle of black cherry rum until I blacked out. This year, I'm going to a party. I'm going to find the perfect dress. I'm going to be with my friends and be happy regardless of everything that's trampling me.

I've made December 31st my deadline to say what I want to say to everyone in my life. Everyone. Gent, my shitty friend, my father who I haven't spoken to in four years, everyone. I want to start 2014 with a clean slate. I want to know what the people around me are feeling and thinking and I don't want to spend my short life wondering what could have been.

Hmm. I guess this turned out to be a serious post after all. Well, that's two in a row now.

Boobies.

-Shface