Well, kids, it's Cinco de Mayo and since I'm having a gathering this evening, I thought I might share with you the proper way to throw a house party.
Step one: Invites. Invite only the people you like/know are gonna come/aren't going to bring people you hate/don't break or steal shit/don't bring drama/who are willing to help you clean up the next day. The last one just builds character.
Step two: Booze and food. Make sure you have lots of it... because the consumption of both has two phases; gettin' the party started and carryin' it into the early hours of the morning. Also, make sure you have one really creative booze item to add to your party pizazz... I just said pizazz... Anyway. For example, tonight I am serving my own special recipe of mexican salad chicken wraps, a bevy of snacks, my homemade chips n salsa and vodka-soaked gummy bears! You see, most of my food is mexican food which means I am a true blue Cinco de Mayo... er. I also went balls to the wall and spent two hours making double rainbow cupcakes last night! I am also in possession of two cases of beer, a handle of tequila and a bottle of vodka. I think I'm ready.
Step three: Pretend you're Mexican. Then, consume all the booze you possibly can. Make sure to send drunk texts saying things to people you're too shy to say when you're not Cinco de Drunk. Then eat more of that food you made. Half of it's on the floor by now, but it's okay. Thirty minute rule. Play drinking games until you can't feel your face. Smoke a whole pack of cigarettes. Smoke a whole bunch of weed. Lose your pants. Pass out in the hallway. Spend the next day apologizing to yourself in the mirror.
OLE!
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