It's Totally Cool to Love Yourself -- Just Don't Force Your Love For You On Others

I'm here to complain near you today. Hope you're ready.

I've seen a pattern with some of my friends and acquaintances recently. It's something I like to call "Forced Confidence".

Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

con·fi·dence. noun \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\. : a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something

Thanks, Julie Andrews.

Confidence by definition is a belief that you can do something. To inherently feel comfortable doing something because you know you will succeed is what forms it into Self-Confidence. To have the belief that you are capable of and worthy of success. Both are great things to have.

Here's the rub; if you're truly a confident person, you don't need to announce the fact that you're confident. Again, by definition, having confidence would lead one to believe that you already firmly have faith in yourself and your abilities. When you declare these abilities to, say, your entire Facebook audience, this is saying something else entirely. This is what is commonly known as "fishing for compliments".

For example..

To say "I feel good about how I look today" (probably in a less generic way) is confidence.
To say "I feel good about how I look today and you should too" (again, in a less generic way) is fishing for compliments.

Unless of course you really are self-confident and saying those things, in which case you're just narcissistic and should probably get that in check as well.

You are professing a false sense of self-confidence, thereby actually making you look self-conscious. These are easily read throughable lines. I understand "read throughable" isn't really a phrase, but roll with me, won't you?

Rather than trying to fool the world, or at least your immediate acquaintances, into thinking you're a self-confident person with your shit together who gives absolutely zero fucks about what the world thinks of you, why don't you instead work on becoming that self-confident person with your shit together who gives absolutely zero fucks about what the world thinks of you.

Just telling people that you're confident doesn't make you confident, in the same way posting photos of your dinner on Instagram doesn't make you a fucking chef.