How to Use a Cellular Telephone

I have some very pointed opinions on the use of cell phones. Don't get me wrong. I love my phone. It's a pretty little droid operated piece of metal that does everything I want it to do for the low low price of $27/month. (hahahaha, suck it!)

But there is a time and a place for these devices. And I'm going to teach you when and where to use your cell phone and conversely where and when to NOT  use your cell phone.

DO: 
Use your cell phone to text your significant other you haven't seen all day.

DON'T:
Use your cell phone to text your significant other when they walk out of the room.



DO: 
Use your phone when you need directions.

DON'T:
Use your phone in the shower.




DO:
Instagram a nice night out with friends/family/significant others.

DON'T:
Instagram the entire night you're out with friends/family/significant others.




DO:
Answer your phone when it rings.

DON'T:
Answer your phone when it rings mid-face to face conversation.





DO:
Turn your ringer on loud so you can hear it when you're out and about.

DON'T:
Forget to turn it the fuck down when you're in a quieter public setting. 



 

DO:
Take a million pictures with your phone.

DON'T:
Forget about the naked ones.





DO:
Use your phone at home.

DON'T:
Use your phone at a funeral.




Okay, I hope these tips helped you understand how to not be an asshole on your cellular telephone device.


Ta, fuckers.