"ABC Sucks!", Shouts the Petulant 28-Year-Old Child.

This week, to no surprise (thanks to the network, not the quality of the show) Trophy Wife was canceled.

As you well know, I have spent months and months trying to help save this brilliant, brilliant show and now that it's gone I feel a true sense of sadness. Sadness for an audience who will watch a man treat a group of women like objects until he finds his staged true love rather than watch an intelligent comedy with strong women at the core of the show. How many episodes of Dancing with the Stars do we need to suffer through each week before a show with heart and humor and wit can be given a chance in a proper time slot with proper marketing?

This whole situation only amplifies my theory that ABC has absolutely no idea how to run a network. I'm no expert, but here's how you run a network to get ratings...

1- Pick an appropriate time slot for that show. A lighthearted family comedy would do best earlier in the evening slots as a lead in to a bigger, more established comedy. For example, had Trophy Wife sat between The Middle and Modern Family, it's ratings would have been sky high. Putting it between The Goldbergs and that Sofia Vergara show about women who kill or some such nonsense at 8/9pm was not exactly setting the show up for success.

2- Market your shows properly. With a show like Trophy Wife -- an ironically named, comedy/familiy sitcom, putting content out about the show is not rocket science. I have to say, the cast and the fans did a better job of marketing the show than ABC's godawful publicity team did. Halfhearted tweets two minutes before the show starts IS NOT MARKETING THE SHOW. Giving a show a proper trailer and proper TV spots that don't paint it as the title without its irony would've also been beneficial. I'm pretty sure ABC execs had never even seen the show.

3- Stop relying on the Nielsen boxes! In this day and age, relying on Nielsen families for your ratings numbers seems kind of futile. In the age of the internet and DVR, 90% of people do not watch television shows when they are on. Also, to this day, I've never met anyone with a Nielsen box in their home. If you adhere to the DVR numbers, the Hulu views, the social media interest, you'll find that new media and technology far surpass the use of the Nielsen box. I think ABC would be surprised to find out that there were a lot more people watching Trophy Wife than their numbers produced.

4- Last but not least, GIVE A SHOW TIME. Two seasons minimum. Go back and watch any of your favorite sitcoms from the past decade. They all had fairly subpar pilots. It takes time for a show to take off and find its audience. This is why internet content will eventually take over old media. The internet gives an audience more time to grab hold of a web series or an entertainer's content and go back and catch up later without the interference of a network pulling it at will.

There. I've just run a network in four paragraphs better than ABC has in one year.

The season/series finale of Trophy Wife airs this Tuesday May 13 at 8:30c/9:30e.