An Open Letter to Virgin Mobile...

I'd like to preface my open letter to Virgin Mobile by first telling you why I am a Virgin Mobile customer...

First of all, I'm broke as fuck. I have a shitty job and I make dick for money. I can afford a fancier phone, but I'd have to eliminate food or booze or electricity or something from my budget.. and I'm not willing to do that. Second of all, most of my shit can be done on my iPod... like this post for example, so I didn't feel the need to get a fancy phone.

So I chose VM because they had a bangin' deal; $27/month, 300 minutes, unlimited text, unlimited data. Perfect for me. In a normal month, I don't even use up 40 of those 300 minutes.

With that, let me give you a glimpse of the letter that I have every intention of sending to Virgin Mobile..

To Whom it May Concern,

I have been a Virgin Mobile customer for several years. Never have I been so disappointed with your service as I have in the past few months. First of all, I wasn't aware that the phone I spent $150 on (LG Rumor Touch) was the glitchiest piece of garbage you had available. I understand this is an LG problem and not directly yours. Regardless, I have had this particular phone for two years and it is the worst phone I have ever owned.

Secondly, your service had gone downhill severely as of late. I understand I am only paying $27 (and now all of a sudden some random tax that is brand new with no notification) and you get what you pay for. However, I also understand that you are getting my money every month and I am entitled to the basic rights every person who pays for phone service is!

Rarely do my texts send without a five minute, turn my phone on and off ordeal. My picture messages have stopped sending altogether. Also there are days where I can't send or receive texts at all! Even when I get texts from
Virgin Mobile regarding a service change, the browser won't open so I can see what the service change is. The browser never works, the Internet never works when I can actually get the browser to work and whenever I'm actually ON a phone call, the reception is ALWAYS fuzzy! In my house, at work, in the car, anywhere.. I have never had a clear phone call with your terrible service.

Quite honestly, I would rather pay $80+ a month for a phone than ever use your service again. I will absolutely be taking my business elsewhere and I wouldn't recommend you to ANYONE.

Eat a dick,
Jess Burns, jaded consumer

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I may or may not leave out the "eat a dick".

Shalom.