A - These two are delightful and delicious
2 - Donating balls for a good cause is delicious
D - GIVE THEM YOUR BALLS!!!!!!!!!!
x - Subscribe to their channel.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Marry, Fuck, Kill...
Zach Braff
Zach Galifianakis
Zac Hanson
This is a toughie. I like all three Zac(h)s. I'm gonna have to go with fuck Zac Hanson. Though my throwback jam today was a BSB tune, I was a hardcore nerd-ass Hanson fan when I was a young'n. Zac was the cheese to my macaroni... even though he didn't know it. I can't deny myself my childhood dream of hookin' up with a girly Hanson boy.
I'd then have to choose to marry Zach Braff. There's something assuming and kind of pretentious about him now, but he did write Garden State, which is my cinema soulmate.
I'd then have to choose to marry Zach Braff. There's something assuming and kind of pretentious about him now, but he did write Garden State, which is my cinema soulmate.
Sadly, that means kill Galifiniakis... which is fine based solely on the fact his last name is hard to spell.
What would you do??
Throwback Jam of the Day
One of the many Backstreet Boys jams that got my panties wet as a young woman. Okay, maybe not, but it made me wonder what the hell to do with the feelings I was having thanks to this song. I believe I also created a dance to it. Either way, Backstreet's back, alright?!
Word of the Day
obstreperous - adj. Noisy. Difficult to control.
Sentence: The noisy, difficult to control boy was obstreperous.
For reference, SEE: Redundancy
Sentence: The noisy, difficult to control boy was obstreperous.
For reference, SEE: Redundancy
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tonight's Snoozy Tune...
I dare you to not close your eyes and feel completely fucking zen in an orgasmic fashion. Enjoy. Then change your pants.
Throwback Jam of the Day...
Back when Marilyn Manson was still relevant, when he still made music and was still a commodity feared by parents. A better time. The only thing that strikes this kind of fear into the "hearts" of conservative adults nowadays are homosexuals.
Stoopid idiots!
Why does adding extra letters to letters you don't typically emphasize add emphasis?! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! < - just says "yees". which you don't say.
Shitttttttttttttttttttt! < - "shit-t-t-t"? you kiddin' me?!
I mean, I'm guilty of it on occasion, but I try and pick the letter that would be emphasized when I say it out loud.
Shitttttttttttttttttttt! < - "shit-t-t-t"? you kiddin' me?!
Pat yo weave, pet yo peeves..
1. - Liars. Why lie about things? Embellishments to a story are always obvious. For example: “So, I was driving down the road and I hit a bunny.. (panic! panic! story’s not taking off.. make it better, make it better.. oh! i know!) and then the bunny exploded and it was full of candy!”. If your story isn’t worth telling to begin with, you probably should just let it die on its own.
And if you’re lying about serious matters, then you just need to be shot in the face with a flare gun.
2. - People who don’t know how to properly use the left hand lane on the interstate. Here in ye olde Illinois, the far left lane is the FAST LANE. You can literally be pulled over for going TOO SLOW in said lane. WHICH MEANS, you need to be doing AT LEAST 70mph on a 65mph road! If you can’t handle the speed, get the fuck off the road or I’m gonna scrape you right off it!
3. - Ignorance of any sort. If you do not know what you are talking about, referencing or facts in general, you do not have the right to comment on things. Commenting on something blind is IGNORANCE. My main ignorance pet peeve is the hate against the LBGTQ community. But that will turn into a two week rant I’ll save for another time.
4. - “isms”. Racism, sexism, feminism (i’ll explain that another time), fascism, totalitarianism, and so on and so forth.
5. - People who lack common courtesy and MANNERS. This is a big one. In this self-absorbed, entitled country of ours, children are not being raised to have any kind of respect or manners. It’s disgusting. And why is this? I’ll tell you why this is. Because kids are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want, WHENEVER the fuck they want. When I was a kid, I was terrified to talk back to my mom. Cause you know what would happen if I did? I’d get a swift KICK IN THE ASS. But these days, kids have no fear of their parents because there’s no line between “discipline” and “abuse” these days. Discipline is now confused for abuse. Discipline is NOT abuse.. unless it’s abusive. Repetitive hitting, hitting for no reason, verbal take downs.. that’s abuse… And I’m not saying everyone from my generation and prior are all good people by any means, but I think the majority of us were taught manners and respect and the outcome of lacking in either.
6. - This one’s rather hypocritical of me, but vague facebook statuses/tweets. I think if it’s just a thought, then it’s okay, but when it’s like “I thought I could trust U but now I know I was an idiot” blah blah blah. Then it’s like, take a short walk into some oncoming traffic.
7. - Religion.. NOWADAYS. Religion used to be about faith. Now it’s more of a cult for people with hatred to spew to hide behind.
8. - Condescending people. I’d love to pistol whip them with a water gun so the plastic cuts their skin and they get a nasty face infection.
9. - Dramatic women. I would love to rearrange the faces of dramatic women everywhere. The ones that like scream when they see their friends, like “Ahhhh! Like omg! Joan’s here! Joaaaan! This is my soooong!”. Ugh. And then the one’s that go missing in a desperate attempt to make it known that they want to be found so you can feel bad for them and save them. “Like omg, have you seen Kelly? She’s been missing for like thirty minutes??? She’s probably dead! Kelly’s probably dead!” Kelly’s not dead. She just wants attention she never got at home and she has to make everyone she goes out with on a Saturday night pay for it. And then there’s the bad-time hot mess factory that is the ladies’ room in a club/bar. I’ve never yearned for a men’s bathroom so badly than in a club or bar at like 1am. Someone’s always thrown up on the floor, peed on the seat, torn all the toilet paper out of the dispenser, someone’s crying over someone that doesn’t love them anymore, someone’s drunk texting, there’s always water all over the sink and counter. CLASSY, ladies! Just classy. How the hell do you have time to make that mess?! Would you do that at your boyfriend/fuckbuddy’s apartment?! You’re gross. Get the fuck out of the bathroom and go find Kelly. Cause now she’s probably dead.
10. - Justin Bieber fans over the age of 18. I’m sorry, but this just upsets me. I’m not saying the little fucker doesn’t have talent. He’s not bad. (His music could use some sort of substance, but I digress..) He kind of talks like he’s black and dresses like a lesbian, but I can get past that. At the core of it, the kid has some talent. However, if I hear one more adult that doesn’t have kids who listen to Bieber say that he’s “adorable” or “a hottie”, I’m going to wretch. He’s a KID. It’s creepy. I dunno, to each his own, I guess.
And with that, I bid you adieu..
And if you’re lying about serious matters, then you just need to be shot in the face with a flare gun.
2. - People who don’t know how to properly use the left hand lane on the interstate. Here in ye olde Illinois, the far left lane is the FAST LANE. You can literally be pulled over for going TOO SLOW in said lane. WHICH MEANS, you need to be doing AT LEAST 70mph on a 65mph road! If you can’t handle the speed, get the fuck off the road or I’m gonna scrape you right off it!
3. - Ignorance of any sort. If you do not know what you are talking about, referencing or facts in general, you do not have the right to comment on things. Commenting on something blind is IGNORANCE. My main ignorance pet peeve is the hate against the LBGTQ community. But that will turn into a two week rant I’ll save for another time.
4. - “isms”. Racism, sexism, feminism (i’ll explain that another time), fascism, totalitarianism, and so on and so forth.
5. - People who lack common courtesy and MANNERS. This is a big one. In this self-absorbed, entitled country of ours, children are not being raised to have any kind of respect or manners. It’s disgusting. And why is this? I’ll tell you why this is. Because kids are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want, WHENEVER the fuck they want. When I was a kid, I was terrified to talk back to my mom. Cause you know what would happen if I did? I’d get a swift KICK IN THE ASS. But these days, kids have no fear of their parents because there’s no line between “discipline” and “abuse” these days. Discipline is now confused for abuse. Discipline is NOT abuse.. unless it’s abusive. Repetitive hitting, hitting for no reason, verbal take downs.. that’s abuse… And I’m not saying everyone from my generation and prior are all good people by any means, but I think the majority of us were taught manners and respect and the outcome of lacking in either.
6. - This one’s rather hypocritical of me, but vague facebook statuses/tweets. I think if it’s just a thought, then it’s okay, but when it’s like “I thought I could trust U but now I know I was an idiot” blah blah blah. Then it’s like, take a short walk into some oncoming traffic.
7. - Religion.. NOWADAYS. Religion used to be about faith. Now it’s more of a cult for people with hatred to spew to hide behind.
8. - Condescending people. I’d love to pistol whip them with a water gun so the plastic cuts their skin and they get a nasty face infection.
9. - Dramatic women. I would love to rearrange the faces of dramatic women everywhere. The ones that like scream when they see their friends, like “Ahhhh! Like omg! Joan’s here! Joaaaan! This is my soooong!”. Ugh. And then the one’s that go missing in a desperate attempt to make it known that they want to be found so you can feel bad for them and save them. “Like omg, have you seen Kelly? She’s been missing for like thirty minutes??? She’s probably dead! Kelly’s probably dead!” Kelly’s not dead. She just wants attention she never got at home and she has to make everyone she goes out with on a Saturday night pay for it. And then there’s the bad-time hot mess factory that is the ladies’ room in a club/bar. I’ve never yearned for a men’s bathroom so badly than in a club or bar at like 1am. Someone’s always thrown up on the floor, peed on the seat, torn all the toilet paper out of the dispenser, someone’s crying over someone that doesn’t love them anymore, someone’s drunk texting, there’s always water all over the sink and counter. CLASSY, ladies! Just classy. How the hell do you have time to make that mess?! Would you do that at your boyfriend/fuckbuddy’s apartment?! You’re gross. Get the fuck out of the bathroom and go find Kelly. Cause now she’s probably dead.
10. - Justin Bieber fans over the age of 18. I’m sorry, but this just upsets me. I’m not saying the little fucker doesn’t have talent. He’s not bad. (His music could use some sort of substance, but I digress..) He kind of talks like he’s black and dresses like a lesbian, but I can get past that. At the core of it, the kid has some talent. However, if I hear one more adult that doesn’t have kids who listen to Bieber say that he’s “adorable” or “a hottie”, I’m going to wretch. He’s a KID. It’s creepy. I dunno, to each his own, I guess.
And with that, I bid you adieu..
Nothing up my sleeve... PRESTO!
-I’m terrified of the 2012 election. If Roseanne Barr can make it on the ballot, I’d vote for her. You wish I was kidding, but I’m not.
-I made mention of IKEA in my first entry. I’m terrified of IKEA. It’s too big and I get lost every single time I’m there. I don’t want to shop in the Bermuda Triangle.
-Sometimes I drive my car on the highway and think.. “What if this whole fuckin’ thing just combusted? Would I be dead? How many cars would hit me before I was dead? How would you call the cops and explain you’re in the middle of three lane 65+ mph traffic? I guess it wouldn’t matter if I’d probably be dead.”
-I hate when there’s a bug in your room and you try and kill it and miss and then it goes MIA… Awful. Just awful.
-I hate women who fish for compliments. It’s always annoying and it’s always OBVIOUS.
-People who are cryptic and never really say what they need to say to me piss me off. If it’s good, if it’s bad, just let me hear it. I’d rather know what’s going on in your head, especially if it’s regarding me.
-I would legitimately date/bone a certain handful of my friends. I think people who DON’T think about having sex with at least ONE of their friends are weird.
-As of late, people like to pretend they’re “concerned” about my “drinking”. First of all, I drink just fine, thank you. Secondly, let me break down my heavy drinking schedule for you.. I drink on Thirsty Thursdays and then on Fridays. And that’s usually it. And please, don’t be concerned for me. I can take care of myself.
-I also hold the biggest double standard. I’m a strong human. I like to think I can do it all and handle any bullshit that comes my way. But there are times when I’m tired of being the strong one and the person who will do anything for people I care about .. because it’d be nice to get that in return. I know that’s a completely selfish thing to say and it shouldn’t be so, but it is. Just once, I’d like to be saved or have someone stand up for ME. But alas, I am too strong for my own good.
-I was born with the body of a woman and the mentality of a man.. sexually and otherwise.. And that’s honesty for ya.
-I feel like an annoying dog person when I talk about my dog at all.. but I love him to bits, so I don’t care.
-I’m a lot nicer than I, or anyone else, give(s) me credit for
-I made mention of IKEA in my first entry. I’m terrified of IKEA. It’s too big and I get lost every single time I’m there. I don’t want to shop in the Bermuda Triangle.
-Sometimes I drive my car on the highway and think.. “What if this whole fuckin’ thing just combusted? Would I be dead? How many cars would hit me before I was dead? How would you call the cops and explain you’re in the middle of three lane 65+ mph traffic? I guess it wouldn’t matter if I’d probably be dead.”
-I hate when there’s a bug in your room and you try and kill it and miss and then it goes MIA… Awful. Just awful.
-I hate women who fish for compliments. It’s always annoying and it’s always OBVIOUS.
-People who are cryptic and never really say what they need to say to me piss me off. If it’s good, if it’s bad, just let me hear it. I’d rather know what’s going on in your head, especially if it’s regarding me.
-I would legitimately date/bone a certain handful of my friends. I think people who DON’T think about having sex with at least ONE of their friends are weird.
-As of late, people like to pretend they’re “concerned” about my “drinking”. First of all, I drink just fine, thank you. Secondly, let me break down my heavy drinking schedule for you.. I drink on Thirsty Thursdays and then on Fridays. And that’s usually it. And please, don’t be concerned for me. I can take care of myself.
-I also hold the biggest double standard. I’m a strong human. I like to think I can do it all and handle any bullshit that comes my way. But there are times when I’m tired of being the strong one and the person who will do anything for people I care about .. because it’d be nice to get that in return. I know that’s a completely selfish thing to say and it shouldn’t be so, but it is. Just once, I’d like to be saved or have someone stand up for ME. But alas, I am too strong for my own good.
-I was born with the body of a woman and the mentality of a man.. sexually and otherwise.. And that’s honesty for ya.
-I feel like an annoying dog person when I talk about my dog at all.. but I love him to bits, so I don’t care.
-I’m a lot nicer than I, or anyone else, give(s) me credit for
More Intentions & Instructions...
This is the beginning of my transference of my handful of tumblr posts I don't wanna lose. So here they begin...
Okay, so.. I’m starting this blog to have more of an outlet for my brain’s bullshit than I do on Facebook and Twitter. So feel free to peruse the scary world of my thoughts. And there’s a link for my suggestion box on the right, if you feel there’s something I should address or rant about or just something you wanna say. Either way, your input means nothing to me. (just kidding! kinda..)
So, this is not going to be my first blog. This is just informational. An instruction guide, if you will. So, here are your instructions:
Read this blog.
Or don’t.
I don’t care.
Change those directions to Swedish and soon you’ll have built a new chair from IKEA!
Okay, so.. I’m starting this blog to have more of an outlet for my brain’s bullshit than I do on Facebook and Twitter. So feel free to peruse the scary world of my thoughts. And there’s a link for my suggestion box on the right, if you feel there’s something I should address or rant about or just something you wanna say. Either way, your input means nothing to me. (just kidding! kinda..)
So, this is not going to be my first blog. This is just informational. An instruction guide, if you will. So, here are your instructions:
Read this blog.
Or don’t.
I don’t care.
Change those directions to Swedish and soon you’ll have built a new chair from IKEA!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
hello, sexy friends. here are my intentions...
i, jeshface, intend to transfer things from my newly modded tumblr and bring it over to this blog.
you are my new home now.
prepare for my weirdness.
PS - there will be ads soon. girl's gotta get paid.
you are my new home now.
prepare for my weirdness.
PS - there will be ads soon. girl's gotta get paid.
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