My quality laptop is again functional.
There are some videos a-comin' on my YouTube channel and I can easily blog here more.
So surprise. Here comes the fun.
Anyone else miss the Fishy McBites McDonalds commercials?
Friday, November 22, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
100 THINGS HAVING THIS BLOG HAS TAUGHT ME.
Well. It's my 100th post. Barely a milestone for how long I've had this blog-o-nonsense. So here's a list of things I've learned from having this blog. The title said that; I didn't have to.
Let's fuckin' do it...
100. It's okay to blog even if you only have one person that literally follows your blog. Cause sometimes other people read it. And strangers.
99. Urineface is not an acceptable word.
98. I'm always unsatisfied with Paranormal Activity movies no matter how much I liked them.
97. PLOTHOLES.
96. DANCEFIGHT!
95. Bud Light Platinum was a thing I was excited about and subsequently disappointed by, similar to my relationship with my father. Too soon?
94. Paula Deen cums butter.
93. The Woman in Black was pretty to look at but ultimately disappointing; similar to my last boyfriend. Too late?
92. Bitches masturbate.
91. Facebook sucks at ads.
90. I'm a terrible blogger.
89. Relationships are full of retarded bounds.
88. Dancin' Kim.
87. Have some manners, ya beast.
86. Virgin Mobile blows.
85. If you're not ready for a pet and you get a pet, you'll probably die.
84. Dr. Pepper 10 is the most misogynist beverage.
83. Cinco de Mayo only requires you to drink tequila and pretend to be Mexican.
82. DON'T JUDGE ME.
81. I'm a terrible blogger.
80. Keep your emotional Facebook status bullshit off my newsfeed.
79. Breaking up ain't the end of the world. And ain't ain't a word.
78. If you listen even a little bit, you can figure out what a woman wants for the gift-giving holidays.
77. The 90s were way fucking better than now. Eat it, milennials.
76. FUCK YOU, PEDIASURE!
75. Still a terrible blogger.
74. Some bitches don't blow they dudes. Also, I'm white.
73. I was wrong about Amanda Bynes.
72. My brainleaks are slightly terrifying.
71. Father's Day is the best day to take your mom out to lunch.
70. I admit I liked 50 Shades of Grey.
69. I admit I had the best marketing idea for 50 Shades of Grey. Idiots.
68. I remain the world's worst blogger.
67. Archer makes me hot.
66. How to Be Single is a blog entry I've been trying to figure out how to make into a video for a very long time.
65. 3D movies are better when there's no reason for them to be 3D.
64-60. People who want Miley Cyrus to still be Hannah Montana piss me off.
59. Faking happiness through Facebook is not happiness.
58. Faking happiness through Instagram is not happiness either.
57. Faking happiness in general is not happiness.
56. I've met a lot of celebrities... and I forgot about a lot of them.. because I have the memory of a goldfish.
55. Adding "the fuck?!" after each sentence does not make the funniest entry on your blog.
54. There is a right way and a very very wrong way to use your cell phone in public.
53. Seriously. I'm not a good blogger.
52. PMS always makes for a fun rant.
51. Facebook needs to stop trying to make me feel bad about stuff.
50. I've only had ten entries in 2013.
49. Told you I was a terrible blogger.
48. PerezHilton is a dipshit.
47. Kim Kardashian is a dipshit.
46. I take back whatever I said about Amanda Bynes and I wish her the best.
45. Black cherry rum gets you druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk.
44. ...and you subsequently forget to blog.
43. Put down the botox, bitches.
42. Miley Cyrus is not a racist.
41. People who ragged on Miley and not on Robin Thicke post-VMAs are either ignorantly or intentionally misogynistic.
40. Gayz R kEwL.
39. I have A LOT of fucking pet peeves.
38. Dave Foley is lovely.
37. Greg Proops is lovely.
36. Greg Proops has a podcast that I cannot get enough of. Of which I cannot get enough.
35. Whose Live is the T1TZ.
34. Those cool gays can get married in Illinois now. YAY!
33. Fireball whiskey, amirite?
32. "Jessy" will never be a variation on the spelling of my name.
31-2. I'm a terrible blogger. And lazy.
1. IHAVEAYOUTUBECHANNELYOUSHOULDCHECKOUT.
SEE? I MADE IT REAL EASY FOR YAS. GO HERE. DO IT.
Here's to 100 more over the course of the next two years...
Let's fuckin' do it...
100. It's okay to blog even if you only have one person that literally follows your blog. Cause sometimes other people read it. And strangers.
99. Urineface is not an acceptable word.
98. I'm always unsatisfied with Paranormal Activity movies no matter how much I liked them.
97. PLOTHOLES.
96. DANCEFIGHT!
95. Bud Light Platinum was a thing I was excited about and subsequently disappointed by, similar to my relationship with my father. Too soon?
94. Paula Deen cums butter.
93. The Woman in Black was pretty to look at but ultimately disappointing; similar to my last boyfriend. Too late?
92. Bitches masturbate.
91. Facebook sucks at ads.
90. I'm a terrible blogger.
89. Relationships are full of retarded bounds.
88. Dancin' Kim.
87. Have some manners, ya beast.
86. Virgin Mobile blows.
85. If you're not ready for a pet and you get a pet, you'll probably die.
84. Dr. Pepper 10 is the most misogynist beverage.
83. Cinco de Mayo only requires you to drink tequila and pretend to be Mexican.
82. DON'T JUDGE ME.
81. I'm a terrible blogger.
80. Keep your emotional Facebook status bullshit off my newsfeed.
79. Breaking up ain't the end of the world. And ain't ain't a word.
78. If you listen even a little bit, you can figure out what a woman wants for the gift-giving holidays.
77. The 90s were way fucking better than now. Eat it, milennials.
76. FUCK YOU, PEDIASURE!
75. Still a terrible blogger.
74. Some bitches don't blow they dudes. Also, I'm white.
73. I was wrong about Amanda Bynes.
72. My brainleaks are slightly terrifying.
71. Father's Day is the best day to take your mom out to lunch.
70. I admit I liked 50 Shades of Grey.
69. I admit I had the best marketing idea for 50 Shades of Grey. Idiots.
68. I remain the world's worst blogger.
67. Archer makes me hot.
66. How to Be Single is a blog entry I've been trying to figure out how to make into a video for a very long time.
65. 3D movies are better when there's no reason for them to be 3D.
64-60. People who want Miley Cyrus to still be Hannah Montana piss me off.
59. Faking happiness through Facebook is not happiness.
58. Faking happiness through Instagram is not happiness either.
57. Faking happiness in general is not happiness.
56. I've met a lot of celebrities... and I forgot about a lot of them.. because I have the memory of a goldfish.
55. Adding "the fuck?!" after each sentence does not make the funniest entry on your blog.
54. There is a right way and a very very wrong way to use your cell phone in public.
53. Seriously. I'm not a good blogger.
52. PMS always makes for a fun rant.
51. Facebook needs to stop trying to make me feel bad about stuff.
50. I've only had ten entries in 2013.
49. Told you I was a terrible blogger.
48. PerezHilton is a dipshit.
47. Kim Kardashian is a dipshit.
46. I take back whatever I said about Amanda Bynes and I wish her the best.
45. Black cherry rum gets you druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk.
44. ...and you subsequently forget to blog.
43. Put down the botox, bitches.
42. Miley Cyrus is not a racist.
41. People who ragged on Miley and not on Robin Thicke post-VMAs are either ignorantly or intentionally misogynistic.
40. Gayz R kEwL.
39. I have A LOT of fucking pet peeves.
38. Dave Foley is lovely.
37. Greg Proops is lovely.
36. Greg Proops has a podcast that I cannot get enough of. Of which I cannot get enough.
35. Whose Live is the T1TZ.
34. Those cool gays can get married in Illinois now. YAY!
33. Fireball whiskey, amirite?
32. "Jessy" will never be a variation on the spelling of my name.
31-2. I'm a terrible blogger. And lazy.
1. IHAVEAYOUTUBECHANNELYOUSHOULDCHECKOUT.
SEE? I MADE IT REAL EASY FOR YAS. GO HERE. DO IT.
Here's to 100 more over the course of the next two years...
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Only YouTube Can Prevent Forest Fires... or Somethin'.
So back before vlogging and VidCon and all that shit, I used to vlog with friends. It was how we kept in touch living all over the country. We'd share little parts of our lives and set them free on the internet. One of my videos had about 60,000 views because I smoked a cigarette in it. The cigarette was not the point of the video; I was just a smoker at the time. I was unaware of YouTube's smoking fetish community.
That being said, I've vlogged on and off for the past six or seven years. Like an abusive relationship I just can't let go of, when I became unemployed this year, YouTube came calling. You see, friends, I am an aspiring comedian as most of you know. I want to do comedy for a living. I'd hate to see myself working some shit 9 to 5 job just to barely make ends meet. I'd rather take an enormous dock in pay and make people laugh and be creative for the rest of my life.
So the day I was fired, I immediately took to my camera. I shot probably somewhere around 10-15 videos over the past month. But I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't decide what I wanted to say or what I wanted my channel to be. I knew I wanted it to be funny and entertaining, but I found myself at a creative block. Making long, pointless vlogs that reiterated that I was bored and had nothing to say.
Today, I uploaded several videos to this channel and I feel proud and accomplished. I shot two that were the same old thing and then I went back to an old idea I had. I shot it and I liked it. Then I shot another. They're not my finest work and I won't have the means to edit until I get my laptop back from Acer, but I laughed at what I put out into the internet ether. And I think that as long as I find it funny and it gets a little bit of the weirdness out of my brain, I'll call it success.
So I decided that structure, as always, is not for me. My channel will be a delightful cornucopia of comedy videos. There won't be a rhyme or reason to what I post. If I have an idea, I'm gonna go with it. And yes, this has all been an elaborate story to get you to watch. I want to laugh, but more than anything, I want to make other people laugh.
And I assure with my new technologies arriving in the coming weeks, things will actually look better on my channel soon as well.
You can find me on the YouTubes right HEEEEEERE!
Please subscribe if you wish and if you have any suggestions of things you'd like to see me do, don't hesitate to let me know.
My next project is in the works.
Love and all that shit,
shface.
That being said, I've vlogged on and off for the past six or seven years. Like an abusive relationship I just can't let go of, when I became unemployed this year, YouTube came calling. You see, friends, I am an aspiring comedian as most of you know. I want to do comedy for a living. I'd hate to see myself working some shit 9 to 5 job just to barely make ends meet. I'd rather take an enormous dock in pay and make people laugh and be creative for the rest of my life.
So the day I was fired, I immediately took to my camera. I shot probably somewhere around 10-15 videos over the past month. But I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't decide what I wanted to say or what I wanted my channel to be. I knew I wanted it to be funny and entertaining, but I found myself at a creative block. Making long, pointless vlogs that reiterated that I was bored and had nothing to say.
Today, I uploaded several videos to this channel and I feel proud and accomplished. I shot two that were the same old thing and then I went back to an old idea I had. I shot it and I liked it. Then I shot another. They're not my finest work and I won't have the means to edit until I get my laptop back from Acer, but I laughed at what I put out into the internet ether. And I think that as long as I find it funny and it gets a little bit of the weirdness out of my brain, I'll call it success.
So I decided that structure, as always, is not for me. My channel will be a delightful cornucopia of comedy videos. There won't be a rhyme or reason to what I post. If I have an idea, I'm gonna go with it. And yes, this has all been an elaborate story to get you to watch. I want to laugh, but more than anything, I want to make other people laugh.
And I assure with my new technologies arriving in the coming weeks, things will actually look better on my channel soon as well.
You can find me on the YouTubes right HEEEEEERE!
Please subscribe if you wish and if you have any suggestions of things you'd like to see me do, don't hesitate to let me know.
My next project is in the works.
Love and all that shit,
shface.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Fireball, Improv, Unemployment, Pumpkin Spice, Greg Proops and Illinois
It's been a long time since I've written anything of substance here. However, a lot of things have happened in the interim. For your pleasure/torture, I shall summarize...
At the beginning of September, I met Dave Foley, who is my long time hero and love of my life. It was fucking majestic.
I also saw Greg Proops record his podcast.. but I'll get back to that one on a future blog because he deserves one on his own.
I also saw Greg Proops record his podcast.. but I'll get back to that one on a future blog because he deserves one on his own.
September was whatever.
Started doing improv shows at One Group Mind bi-weekly. (Come see them, you twats!)
I lost my job.
I am trying to get acting/comedy jobs in lieu of getting a shitty day job.
I decided I want to move to Los Angeles when my lease is up.
I realized that I have a fear of women who have a sickening love of pumpkin spice things.
I, however, found a deep, deep love for Fireball Whisky.
I saw Whose Line live. (Ryan Stiles is a real person!)
Illinois passed the Marriage Equality Bill.
Illinois passed the Marriage Equality Bill.
I have just eaten Chipotle for the first time in two months.
Great now we're caught up.
How have you been?
I don't give a shit.
BYE!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)