Hi, Facebook. How are you? Great, me too. I know we talk regularly and all, but I wanted to address you more formally about something that's been bothering me lately.
Lately, you've been pissing me off. I'm only saying this so bluntly because I'm your friend. I come hang out with you on the daily to catch up and to have a few laughs. But over the past month or so I've been noticing a lot of your friends want me to "like" emaciated children and adults, abused dogs, abused children, people with cancer, people who've survived cancer, people who've heard of cancer, abused circus animals, abused farm animals, bullied fat girls, bullied skinny girls, Justin Bieber, Mitt Romney and all kinds of other garbage.
LISTEN. My "like"-ing of the aforementioned things does not equal a prayer, a dollar, a penny, a quarter, a vote, a voice, a life saved. It equals other people can see it now. Nothing more.
I will, however, "like" anything you show me that's in hilarious poor taste, hilarious good taste, mockery of Mitt Romney and/or Justin Bieber, cute animals, funny people, cute clothes, cute dudes, cute chicks and anything DailyGrace has to say.
In summation, I want my laughs, not to constantly be traumatized by your sadistic need to show me graphic images.
Thanks for understanding, you prick.
Kisses,
Shface, Je
Monday, October 22, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Paranormal Activity 4 - Not Quite as Spoiler-Free
I did warn you just now right? This is NOT a spoiler-free review. Turn back now if you're not into that kind of thing.
So, a day later I still cannot decide whether or not I actually LIKED this film. I'm a huge fan of the franchise obviously, but I came to the fourth film wanting answers. I wanted to know whether the writers of the Paranormal Activity movies were brilliant or just assholes who never realized the gaping vagina holes in their plot lines.
The first thing that pissed me off before I even saw the damn thing was that it was in present day and featuring MORE new characters, aside from a creepy boy which you're led to believe, by trailer alone and through the first quarter of the film, is Hunter. Well.. here's a spoiler; it's NOT.
So the film pretty much revolves around a 15yr old girl named Alex, her little brother Wyatt and the creepy boy from across the street Robbie. Robbie's mom mysteriously becomes "ill" and is sent to the hospital, forcing Robbie upon the neighbors to watch him. Naturally, weird things start happening when Robbie and his invisible friend "Toby" move in. There is only one, quiet mention that the name of his friend is Toby and after that scene he is never mentioned again. (If you recall, Toby was the name of the entity that followed Kristi and Katie as children.)
While I'm not saying this film lacked in the "scare" department, it does seem to have gotten a little routine. The loud banging that comes from nowhere is overused. The entity dragging people out of rooms and down hallways is overused. KATIE is overused. The best part of a horror film that deals with the supernatural, the paranormal, the spirit world in any way is WHAT YOU DO NOT SEE and I think they're losing that feel.
The tension was there, as always. A knife being stolen by an unseen entity and then coming down hard, almost taking dad out of the game later in the film was a good moment of tension for sure.
Use of night vision via the family's XBOX turned out to be a neat effect as well because we were able to see an entity following young Wyatt around at night, which was cool.
The entire film was Robbie (whose "mother" turns out to be Katie) preparing Wyatt to meet Toby, the entity. And here's where I'm gonna ruin the shit out of this for you.. Wyatt is Hunter. See how abruptly I just did that? That's how abruptly the film does it too. So theoretically, the boy is being prepared for sacrifice (according to the rules of the cult). We do see a bit of the cult in this film and each time led to a pretty good jump scare.
What else could they stop putting in these movies?
DEMON FACES. Seriously. Hated it in the first one's original ending. Distort the face a little. Make it blurry. Anything. Just get rid of the demon face. It's dumb and it cheapens the shit out of what's supposed to be a good scare. If I wanted to see demon face, I'd rent Wrong Turn 5.
Also, there was a scene after Wyatt is informed/forced into being Hunter where he breaks into Alex's room and by staring at her forces her body to slowly levitate. This practice is then completely cut off and it's suddenly morning. The fuck was the point of that? It was for show. Lame show.
In the end, Katie killed a bunch of people and we found Hunter five years later.
No answers. Nothing further about the cult. Nothing about the house burning down or Katie & Kristi's second haunting, nothing about their mom, nothing about their grandma, nothing, nothing, nothing. In that sense, I hated the film.
As a horror film alone, I think I liked it. If they can shy away from the gimmicky side of it all in the next one, I'd be happy with it as a horror film by itself.
Yes, there will be another film. Pay attention to what's blocking out the windows at the end and stay past the credits.
Onward, to wait another year...
So, a day later I still cannot decide whether or not I actually LIKED this film. I'm a huge fan of the franchise obviously, but I came to the fourth film wanting answers. I wanted to know whether the writers of the Paranormal Activity movies were brilliant or just assholes who never realized the gaping vagina holes in their plot lines.
The first thing that pissed me off before I even saw the damn thing was that it was in present day and featuring MORE new characters, aside from a creepy boy which you're led to believe, by trailer alone and through the first quarter of the film, is Hunter. Well.. here's a spoiler; it's NOT.
So the film pretty much revolves around a 15yr old girl named Alex, her little brother Wyatt and the creepy boy from across the street Robbie. Robbie's mom mysteriously becomes "ill" and is sent to the hospital, forcing Robbie upon the neighbors to watch him. Naturally, weird things start happening when Robbie and his invisible friend "Toby" move in. There is only one, quiet mention that the name of his friend is Toby and after that scene he is never mentioned again. (If you recall, Toby was the name of the entity that followed Kristi and Katie as children.)
While I'm not saying this film lacked in the "scare" department, it does seem to have gotten a little routine. The loud banging that comes from nowhere is overused. The entity dragging people out of rooms and down hallways is overused. KATIE is overused. The best part of a horror film that deals with the supernatural, the paranormal, the spirit world in any way is WHAT YOU DO NOT SEE and I think they're losing that feel.
The tension was there, as always. A knife being stolen by an unseen entity and then coming down hard, almost taking dad out of the game later in the film was a good moment of tension for sure.
Use of night vision via the family's XBOX turned out to be a neat effect as well because we were able to see an entity following young Wyatt around at night, which was cool.
The entire film was Robbie (whose "mother" turns out to be Katie) preparing Wyatt to meet Toby, the entity. And here's where I'm gonna ruin the shit out of this for you.. Wyatt is Hunter. See how abruptly I just did that? That's how abruptly the film does it too. So theoretically, the boy is being prepared for sacrifice (according to the rules of the cult). We do see a bit of the cult in this film and each time led to a pretty good jump scare.
What else could they stop putting in these movies?
DEMON FACES. Seriously. Hated it in the first one's original ending. Distort the face a little. Make it blurry. Anything. Just get rid of the demon face. It's dumb and it cheapens the shit out of what's supposed to be a good scare. If I wanted to see demon face, I'd rent Wrong Turn 5.
Also, there was a scene after Wyatt is informed/forced into being Hunter where he breaks into Alex's room and by staring at her forces her body to slowly levitate. This practice is then completely cut off and it's suddenly morning. The fuck was the point of that? It was for show. Lame show.
In the end, Katie killed a bunch of people and we found Hunter five years later.
No answers. Nothing further about the cult. Nothing about the house burning down or Katie & Kristi's second haunting, nothing about their mom, nothing about their grandma, nothing, nothing, nothing. In that sense, I hated the film.
As a horror film alone, I think I liked it. If they can shy away from the gimmicky side of it all in the next one, I'd be happy with it as a horror film by itself.
Yes, there will be another film. Pay attention to what's blocking out the windows at the end and stay past the credits.
Onward, to wait another year...
Paranormal Activity 4 (spoiler free review)
For the ultimate record, I did not hate this movie.
For the ultimate record, I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I liked this movie.
For the full word vomit/paragraphs of confusion/more detailed reasons behind all of this, see my more revealing review, which will follow this one.
A little plot synopsis. The last one left us with Kristi being prepared to wed Toby, the unseen entity. This film starts off reminding us that Katie is Kristi's sister and Hunter's aunt, that she kills Kristi and leaves with Hunter, "their whereabouts unknown" blah blah blah shit you already know.
However, the film itself takes place in 2011, surrounding the lives of 15yr old Alex, her boyfriend Ben, her brother Wyatt, her parents and the weird kid next door, Robbie.
I was instantly disappointed when I saw that this seemed to be a present-day story when I watched the trailer. Because, if you've read my previous blogs (yes, blogS. more than one.) on the Paranormal Activity movies, you'll know that all I wanted was answers to the questions and holes in the plot.
The storyline was fairly okay. Few twists and turns. I think I laughed more than I jumped. I feel like the jump scares are becoming too rhythmic. Too constant. Camera panning and discovering something you don't expect is a staple of these movies and I'm fairly certain it was used at least 5-6 times in this one alone. Also, I feel (and I felt this by the second film) that they overuse the whole "entity drags the human" sight gag. It's not overused in this film particularly, I just think it's overused in general. The tension is still palpable in a dark, quiet movie theater as it's always been.
All in all, I'd give Paranormal Activity 4... three out of five stars. And you can find out why for realziez in my next blog where I'm gonna spoil a bit of this movie for you...
For the ultimate record, I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I liked this movie.
For the full word vomit/paragraphs of confusion/more detailed reasons behind all of this, see my more revealing review, which will follow this one.
A little plot synopsis. The last one left us with Kristi being prepared to wed Toby, the unseen entity. This film starts off reminding us that Katie is Kristi's sister and Hunter's aunt, that she kills Kristi and leaves with Hunter, "their whereabouts unknown" blah blah blah shit you already know.
However, the film itself takes place in 2011, surrounding the lives of 15yr old Alex, her boyfriend Ben, her brother Wyatt, her parents and the weird kid next door, Robbie.
I was instantly disappointed when I saw that this seemed to be a present-day story when I watched the trailer. Because, if you've read my previous blogs (yes, blogS. more than one.) on the Paranormal Activity movies, you'll know that all I wanted was answers to the questions and holes in the plot.
The storyline was fairly okay. Few twists and turns. I think I laughed more than I jumped. I feel like the jump scares are becoming too rhythmic. Too constant. Camera panning and discovering something you don't expect is a staple of these movies and I'm fairly certain it was used at least 5-6 times in this one alone. Also, I feel (and I felt this by the second film) that they overuse the whole "entity drags the human" sight gag. It's not overused in this film particularly, I just think it's overused in general. The tension is still palpable in a dark, quiet movie theater as it's always been.
All in all, I'd give Paranormal Activity 4... three out of five stars. And you can find out why for realziez in my next blog where I'm gonna spoil a bit of this movie for you...
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