Let's Get Drunk Faster, Guys!!

I'm sure most have heard about this already, but I just found out about it from a co-worker yesterday. Yes, that's right. I'm talking about fuckin BUD LIGHT PLATINUM, bitches! Finally! BL that gets you drunk faster and undoubtedly tastes like an STD. Well, that's assuming it tastes anything like Budweiser.

Mistake me not, I will ride the Platinum train all the way to Drunk Town. Then I'm gonna play six rounds of Asshole, do a quick beer bong off the roof, play two games of Circle of Death, build a fucking snowman, play only one game of Ride the Bus, eat a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, draw obscenities on the walls with a Sharpie, drunk dial my grandma (hey, she's been drunk dialing me for years!) make a shit ton of bad decisions, one of which will naturally be a "6% alcohol volume" tattoo, and ruin the lives of everyone I moderately like!

Fuck yeah!

My nipples, my liver and my parole officer are all ready!!