SNOW!! HOLY SHIT!!

...it's snowing...

I have not forgotten or purposely neglected today's promises!

Really, I haven't.


Two of my newest goodies will be up first thing in the morning, idiots!


Stroke your boners; it's gonna be a long night!

-face

Dear sexy slut bumps,

I have a job that I hate and pages full of content I'm going to make happen on this blog TODAY. I know. I've promised before. But this time I'm for super cereal!!

Prepare your dicks!!

-jeshface

Cruel Fate.

The day Mario beat Luigi to death with a 9 iron over a lasagna mishap. Fuckin' Italians.

Let's Get Drunk Faster, Guys!!

I'm sure most have heard about this already, but I just found out about it from a co-worker yesterday. Yes, that's right. I'm talking about fuckin BUD LIGHT PLATINUM, bitches! Finally! BL that gets you drunk faster and undoubtedly tastes like an STD. Well, that's assuming it tastes anything like Budweiser.

Mistake me not, I will ride the Platinum train all the way to Drunk Town. Then I'm gonna play six rounds of Asshole, do a quick beer bong off the roof, play two games of Circle of Death, build a fucking snowman, play only one game of Ride the Bus, eat a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, draw obscenities on the walls with a Sharpie, drunk dial my grandma (hey, she's been drunk dialing me for years!) make a shit ton of bad decisions, one of which will naturally be a "6% alcohol volume" tattoo, and ruin the lives of everyone I moderately like!

Fuck yeah!

My nipples, my liver and my parole officer are all ready!!

"Shit, man! Fuck."

I want those to be my last words no matter what the context of my death shall be.